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Disclaimer: I’m not encouraging anybody to steal any automobile — not even a Purple Rocket tricycle.
How do you discover your Tesla? This can be a query we get requested many occasions as we exhibit our Tesla Mannequin 3 at EV occasions and motor reveals throughout Queensland, Australia. Annoyed by the vagueness of the query, I’ve began to reply with: “Where I left it, they are very hard to steal!” I get sarcastic as the times put on on.
Warning: That is meant to be a humorous article. Like most FUD (Enjoyable, Understanding and Delight), it accommodates fragments of fact, blended with hyperbole and different allergy triggers. Need one thing extra severe — try this.
Prompted by an e-mail from a fellow Tesla proprietor, I believed it is likely to be value a tongue-in-cheek article for CleanTechnica in these most severe of occasions. Robert wrote: “… because of the tech within most electric vehicles, it would make it harder to steal. This would require a greater degree of intelligence to successfully steal an EV. Those professional thieves will always pick on low hanging fruit that have the greatest return. That is resale value as a vehicle be it parts or just 2nd hand.” In case you have the IQ to deal with a Tesla, you would most likely get a better and better paying job.
“Tesla vehicles are rarely stolen due to their advanced security features, high-tech connectivity, and low demand for parts. The consensus is that the difficulty in stealing and reselling Teslas, combined with the ease of tracking them, makes them unattractive targets for thieves. With a Tesla you would have to be so incredibly good with coding/hacking that stealing a Tesla would be such a poor use of your talents.”
I do know just a little in regards to the anti-theft capabilities of my 2019 Tesla Mannequin 3, however little or no about such options on different EVs, so I reached out to a few of the many Fb communities devoted to electrical autos in Australia. Some implored me to not write an article on the right way to steal an EV, as thieves would possibly make it a problem occasion (Tesla already does that for hackers). One urged the great previous steering lock! Others instructed me humorous tales of mistaken identification: “They had tried to ‘steal’ someone else’s Tesla in a case of mistaken identity in a multi-level parking lot.” I’ve made the identical mistake myself — discovering Tess. Honk for me child!
There’s additionally the story the place a would-be thief tried to drop the battery out of a Tesla within the Brisbane Airport long-term parking and ended up in dire want of help because the broken battery resting on a few of his extra delicate physique elements moved into thermal runaway. After all, this may very well be an city legend.
My Tesla was ordered in April 2016 and delivered in September 2019. I had loads of time to learn articles and watch movies because the Tesla Mannequin 3 unfold throughout the USA. One recurring theme was that of safety. Apparently, some new house owners thought that it might be okay to go away valuables, together with their laptops, within the again seats of their very distinctive, costly new EVs. Come on, I wouldn’t even try this in my Wolseley!
Quelle Shock! Younger entrepreneurs found {that a} mild faucet with a hammer would break the window and yield revenue making treasure. Tesla, in response, put in Sentry mode to utilize the already current cameras to document such behaviour. The subsequent wave of reports was video of individuals attacking Teslas, stealing stuff, keying automobiles, urinating on them with the occasional humorous video of a cute child doing a little rap dance. Often some bum crack was displayed additionally. Sadly, Tesla needed to change the face of Sentry mode. I miss you, Hal.
Then got here the appeals from police for Tesla house owners to provide imaginative and prescient taken by the automobiles to establish perpetrators of extra severe crimes. This occurred in Norway. Tesla house owners had moved from being “virtue signalling wankers” (as my brother in legislation referred to as me) to being a “caped crusader”…“To the bat cave Robyn, we need to recharge!”
Whereas we waited patiently for our supply, our automobile was getting higher. All at no further value. We’d haven’t any hassle discovering Tess.
On supply we discovered that the best safety function of the automobile was the door handles. After we had mastered them, beneath instruction from the Tesla technician, then got here the duties of educating our mates, neighbours and household. “You push in the fat bit, then pull on the skinny bit.” After all, ours being an older Fremont Tesla 3, they couldn’t work out the right way to exit the automobile both. We’ve a minus signal on a button, straightforward to overlook.
The layers of safety on a Tesla are fairly intricate. First, it’s a must to know that you simply want somebody’s cellphone. Then, it’s a must to know the code that opens the cellphone. Then, there may be that door deal with thingy, doovey. I’m sitting within the automobile and it’s asking for a pin quantity, WTF? By now you is likely to be trying round for one thing simpler to steal. If you’re sitting within the new Highland, you is likely to be there for some time looking for the gear stick. It’s a button, silly.
Except, after all, you will have a gun. That is severe stuff now. Probably the most well-known Tesla theft in Australia is that of Nick Kyrgios’ lime inexperienced Mannequin X. In keeping with The Guardian newspaper, “Kygrios was inside his family’s Canberra home about 8:30am when a masked man wearing all black knocked on the front door, describing himself as ‘Chris’. His mother answered the door to find a long-barrel firearm pointed at her.” She was compelled handy over the important thing and provides him some fundamental data on the right way to drive the automobile. Nevertheless, Nick and his mum obtained the final chortle, as Nick used the cellphone app to trace the automobile, gradual it down, honk the horn, open and shut the home windows, activate the heated automobile seats whereas turning off the air con — all of the enjoyable issues.
“Chris” has been in custody since March. “The Australian Capital Territory Supreme Court has referred the man to the Drug and Alcohol Court for assessment ahead of any sentencing.” Hopefully he’ll keep in jail for a while. He has pleaded guilty to robbery with an offensive weapon.
And Nick is coming again to tennis (now that every one his earlier nemeses have retired).
So, what automobile to steal? In keeping with Axios“thieves find old-fashioned, gas-guzzling muscle cars more enviable than environmentally friendly EVs.” Wouldn’t need to be accused of being a advantage signaller, in any case! Within the USA, the GMC Sierra and the Chevrolet Silverado maintain the highest two spots. I’m wondering if that may change as GM goes electrical.
In Australia“The top five most commonly stolen vehicles, according to the RAA’s data, included; the (GM) Holden Commodore, Mazda 3, Toyota LandCruiser, Toyota Camry, and Toyota Corolla.”
On a enterprise journey to Canberra (within the ACT), Majella and I employed a brand new Toyota Corolla. We had been involved about harm to the automobile and didn’t need to should pay up the insurance coverage extra. We parked it as far-off from different automobiles as doable, anticipating that it might be protected. However, no, some energetic particular person with a grudge in opposition to new automobiles determined to stroll throughout the rooftop automobile park only for the pleasure of keying this harmless automobile. Seven hundred extra {dollars} later… As we speak, I might park it between two Teslas and really feel safer.
I hope that you’ve got had a number of laughs. The takeaway is that, with Tesla, the longer term is brilliant, electrical, and really safe!
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