New For April 2025: CleanTechnica Diesel Wednesday!

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Let’s face it, of us: elections matter. With Trump again within the White Home, all of this electrical automobile stuff ain’t goin’ nowhere anymore. As everyone knows, EVs form of suck, and so they actually aren’t higher for the setting. I imply, they’re powered by coal, so that they should be horrible. All cept for those made by Elon, after all. We LOVE Elon Musk round right here once more now that he’s on the profitable staff (and we wish to be on the profitable staff, too). Trump, please don’t kill us.

However, as an alternative of stepping into Cybertrucks and what not, we’re going to re-embrace our love of coal-powered automobiles by rolling us some coal! No, probably not. We simply don’t wish to find yourself in a gulag in El Salvador.

To start out, we’re all promoting our EVs, e-bikes, photo voltaic panels, and all of that pusillanimous nonsense, taking the cash and shopping for some actual American vehicles. No, we’re not shopping for a Ford Maverick hybrid. We’re all getting some new diesel vehicles! And, as a result of Elon helps intestine the EPA, we’re deleting all of that emissions piss tank nonsense and upping the gas strain. Plus, why not open up the blowoff valve and let it make that candy whistlin’ sound to go along with clouds of particulates? Can we pretend this with audio system or one thing?

Any longer, each Wednesday, we’re going to make some candy movies of tractor pulls, rolling coal on unsuspecting cyclists, and (all sep for Teslas, after all) harassing some EV-driving ninnies. As a result of we’re going to be Elon’s buddy once more, no person’s going to cease us, both. Plus, on the facet, we’re going to have some good looking and political content material that can put hair in your chest (all sep for the women, after all, cuz we don’t like that transgenic mice stuff).

Now, I do know a few of our readers will likely be mad, however we have now to go along with the science on this. Simply ask any random member of Trump’s administration (they need to all be specialists to get such prestigious jobs, proper?) about how environmentally pleasant diesels are in comparison with EVs. They’ll let you know that EVs are the dirtiest automobiles on the highway, powered by batteries made by slave children in Japan or one thing. And so they’re the federal government that received in a landslide, so that they should be proper.

So, be sure you tune in to our new YouTube channel, starting with this sweet video about Mazda RX7s going Brap Brap! Rickrolling won’t ever exit of favor!

Ultimate Ideas

Simply in case in the present day’s date and the madness of the content material above wasn’t sufficient, let’s be clear: that is certainly an April Fools’ Day article. No, we’re not going to desert EVs for diesels, change into a right-wing YouTube channel, or begin believing in pseudoscience. Plus, there’s a bunch of hidden messages within the article for “the libz” for those who copy and paste it good.

However, even on days apart from April 1st, it’s by no means a good suggestion to be overly trusting of stuff you learn on-line.

Featured picture: some AI-generated slop considered one of my coworkers made for an additional article.

Professional tip from the editor: for those who’re confused about among the bizarre spacing above, spotlight/choose these traces.